


The future you lost in the past

by fantaxys



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, I'm Sorry, Immortal Magnus Bane, Immortality, Light Angst, M/M, Mortal Alec Lightwood, Or not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:00:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28558008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fantaxys/pseuds/fantaxys
Summary: Alec still struggles with Magnus's immortality, and tells him what's up, which leads to breaking up... Or not?
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 1
Kudos: 54





	The future you lost in the past

**Author's Note:**

> So here's some light angst, because we have to keep our love/hate relationship with it alive. The title is from the song "Good enough" by Little Mix.  
> Enjoy reading!

"What are you doing out here?" 

When Magnus got home from a late appointment with a client, he'd expected to find a sleepy Alexander laying on the couch. It was Alec's space. Every time he got home before Magnus, he would lay there. But this time Alec was nowhere to be found inside the loft.

The Shadowhunter needed his alone time sometimes. It didn't occur that often, but Magnus knew when Alec wasn't there, something was troubling his mind.

And the only way and the only place to clear his head, was looking at stars on the rooftop of his apartment.

"Thought you'd be asleep by now," Magnus walked over and put his arms around Alec from behind, to give him a cheek kiss. He felt Alec shiver at his touch.

The roof was a nice place to be in the beginning of the night. Especially on a summer evening like this one, with the sky as clear as glass. You could see the full moon glowing between the shiny stars.

It was one of Alec's favorite things to look at. So many stars, but so far away. Even if you'd try to reach far enough, you'll be never be able to get them.

"I couldn't sleep until I knew you were home," He didn't turn around to face Magnus. His eyes were glued to the sky above him. The stars that shined brighter than usual, for some reason.

"Something tells me that's not the reason why you stayed up,"

And ofcourse, Magnus was right. It surprised him every day how sometimes Magnus knew more about him than he did about himself.

He was the only person who noticed everything what was going on in his life. Well, he'd only see that something is up, but Alec is very good in pretending. In hiding.

Thankfully, Magnus never pushed any boundaries. He always respected the moments when Alec turned around and walked away. In the beginning of their relationship, that happened occasionally.

But after all these months being together, Alec finally felt comfortable enough with sharing his deepest thoughts, feelings and secrets to Magnus.

Alec stayed silent for a while, not really sure how to form the words he had in mind.

"Do I fail you?"

The words hit Magnus like a bomb just went off. He let go of Alec and turned him around to look him straight in the eyes. Alec's hands fiddled with a loose thread, hanging at the hem of his black shirt. He didn't dare to look Magnus in the eyes.

"What? Alec, of course not! Why would y-"

"Do you ever feel like you're just not good enough? Because I do. And it's-" He had to take a deep breath, forcing the tears behind his eyes back.

"It's killing me."

Magnus always knew exactly what to say. In times of joy as well as sadness, he always had the right words that would make Alec feel good. 

But now, he completely lost his senses and just stared into the broken but beautiful eyes of his lover.

"It's just not fair to you."

Alec dropped his gaze and let go of the thread he was playing with. His hands now hanging on his sides.

"What is?" Magnus whispered, feeling so incredibly sorry for his boyfriend. He didn't know what it was in his mind, but he knew for sure that it had been in there for quite a long time.

"I'm gonna die,"

He finally looked back to meet Magnus's eyes, and grabbed his hands that were a lot warmer than his own.

"And when I do, you'll be here. You'll be here, mourning me."

Magnus opened his mouth to speak, but was stopped by Alec who put his finger over his lips. He could see the tears in his eyes, begging to fall on his face.

"I found the love of my life. It's you. It'll always be you. And I know you love me too, but-" His voice cracked and the tears made their way on his flushed cheeks. 

Magnus squeezed his hands as a reassurance that he was right there with him, not going anywhere.

"You deserve someone that will be there with you for the rest of your very long life. You can start a family a- and be happy."

His last three words were barely audible when he let go of Magnus's hands.

"I am happy Alec. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. You give me something no one else can give me or gave me in the past centuries. You're the reason I wake up every day, the reason I smile, the reason why I am who I am and-"

Magnus took a long breath and looked into the beautiful hazel eyes. He put his hand on Alec's cheek and caressed it with his thumb, his face only inches away from the other.

"And no one compares to you. No one ever will. Your heart, your soul, it's perfect. And that's enough for me. I don't need anything but you. You will always, always be the one for me Alexander. Always."

It was a promise he would never break. Not now, not ever. He knew Alec had made a point, but a life without Alec.. He couldn't imagine it. 

Alec dropped his shoulders, and let go of the breath he didn't know he was holding. His hands snaked around Magnus's sides and held on to the small of his back.

Without saying anything, Magnus returned the hug and held him as tight as possible, never letting go of his shadowhunter. 

Sometimes words aren't as powerful as moments. Sometimes you just have to feel it. And in this particular moment, Alec knew. He knew Magnus meant everything he just said and for now, that was enough.

He knew where his heart belonged, and where it would always be. Next to the heart of the one he loved, two hearts, beating as one.

"I'm right here Alec, it's where I'll always be. Right here next to you,"

When they broke apart from eachother, Alec let out a trembling sigh, and closed his eyes. He felt Magnus's by now cold hands on his face, wiping his tears away and a kiss put on his forehead.

"I promise." He whispered, right above his head.

"I love you, Magnus."

"I love you more."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think. Ofcourse, criticism always welcome x


End file.
